Friday, November 29, 2013

Extemporaneous Writing - A Blog Revisited

Some years back, my wife and a few of her friends on Multiply (an old social media and blog site predating things like FB, Blogger, etc.) started a "Chicken Tuesday" set of blogs.  Originally, it was intended to share recipes for that venerable staple of the world's table, but then people like me got involved. A lot of people.  At one point a national morning show even started saying something like, "Have a great Chicken Tuesday."

I'm not one to disparage recipe sites, but on the other hand there is so much one can do with them in a humorous bent that I sometimes can't resist temptation.  Since parody is one of my favorite forms of humor, I created a "news" piece for their consideration.  I did it extemporaneously, which is a great exercise to sharpen one's writing skills.  Just for giggles, I thought I might re-share it here.

The Daily Crow Tuesday March 4, 2008
Chicken Tuesday
by Bantam Aurucana

United Peepers International (UPI) reported earlier today that Chicken Tuesday, purportedly an innocent and fun internet blog effort, is, in fact, a front for Kentucky Fried Chicken.
UPI has received reports that the Colonel has been spotted with Elvis visiting chicken roosts in Arkansas and elsewhere.
The Colonel, long believed to be dead, is apparently alive and well and looking to spice things up in the restaurant business.
The office of Farmland Security has raised the threat level to red during this extreme crisis, cautioning all of Cluckdom to take extra precautions for the foreseeable future. If possible, fly the coop and seek shelter in a forest.
All of our readers unable to fly the coop are cautioned to remain indoors if approached by any humans, attempt to make yourself look undernourished, and stay clear of large crowds.


Johnny Brown Detained
by Rhoda Red, Stringer

Johnny Brown, son of Farmer Brown was detained by police on Monday night for allegedly “choking the chicken.
Details were sketchy, police say this was a private matter, and young Johnny is still a juvenile.
The irrepressible Johnny, however could not be silenced, leaving this reporter somewhat mystified by his parting comment, “I wouldn’t choke it if I could pullet!
Master Brown will be arraigned before a Kangaroo Court Conviction and sentencing is expected to be swift. 

Roosters Shanghaied by DST
by Buttercup Cornish

“We were caught completely unaware by the news,” sputtered Rocky Strutter, head of the local AFL (Affiliation of Feathered Loudmouths).
“Absolutely preposterous,” agreed CIO (Chicken International Orators) spokesman Herman Frizzle. “Usurped by a clock alarm! Indeed... and an hour before sunrise!”
The two local labor leaders were commenting on the news that, once more, their morning chore was going to be replaced by alarm clocks due to the implementation of Daylight Savings Time.
Both leaders threatened a strike, however the AFL/CIO International Headquarters issued a statement calling the point “Mute,” yes, that’s “mute” not “moot,” since all union members are required to stay in bed, fast asleep until the eastern sky begins to brighten.
“There’s just very little we can do about it,” a Union spokesman declared. Crowing before dawn is just unheard of.” He downplayed threats of empty nests. 
He was heard muttering, “Talk about your Shanghaied Roosters...” as he walked from the podium.


Bwaaack Obama Set to Win Texas
by Gimmizah News, Chief Poultry-itical Reporter

Latest polls are giving the edge to Bwaack Obama in this chicken nation’s race to see who will be the chief executive clucker.
Bwaack is easily outdistancing his liberal ticket opponent in the primary, who is reported to be madder than a wet hen and is now employing barnyard tactics to sway the vote in her favor.
Remember... get out and vote... ‘EM ALL OUT.

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