Thursday, October 4, 2018

The Square Peg – So, Here It Is

The Square Peg – So, Here It Is
© S. Bradley Stoner
Image result for Political rant images

I haven’t written a Square Peg blog in a long time. Would you like to know why? Fine, I’ll tell you… I’m not waiting for an answer because I don’t want to get shouted down by some political wingnut. So, here’s why. Political news and posts on social media have flat fudged up my funny bone. I’ve tried to ignore it, but this is some in your face all of the time bullsh#t. And none of it is funny.

It creeps into everything. It’s made mortal enemies of neighbors… I’ve seen it. And I hate it. Frankly, the only Brett I care about is Bret Maverick (and his name is spelled different). The only Ford I give a rat’s behind about is my Explorer out front. At least those two provide a little enjoyment in life. The only Trump I care about is five no-trump in bridge. So, I’ve limited my time on social media and in social interactions. That kind of puts the kibosh on funny fodder.

Am I worried about the direction this country is going? You bet your boots I am. I’m old fashioned. I was raised to be courteous to folks, to respect differences, and to keep my own counsel. I was taught to treat women as ladies, accept life choices without being judgmental, to walk away from a fight whenever possible, and to knock the snot out of my opponent when it was not. I’ve been pretty good about all of those things during my lifetime.

For the record, I am not politically correct. Political correctness is prissy, politically inspired bullsh#t. If that offends you, tough cookies. I don’t intentionally try to hurt people’s feelings, but if saying things plainly offends you, too bad.

I don’t care how you identify yourself, but come on folks, there are only two genders biologically. Male and female. What you do with those in the privacy of your own home doesn’t concern me as long as you are consenting adults. But I do find these in your face, public declarations of gender identification offensive. Do what you want to in private, do your job efficiently and effectively and you won’t hear a peep out of me.

Okay, enough ranting. Just one last thought as Halloween approaches… stay away from clown and banshee costumes. The clowns are all in congress or in positions of political, dare I call it, leadership, and the banshees are running amok in the streets of our cities.

Wednesday, April 11, 2018

The Square Peg – Stupid Watch!

The Square Peg – Stupid Watch!
© S. Bradley Stoner

I’m excited… or at least I was. My lovely won an Apple Smartwatch, Series 1. It’s an older model, but brand new in the box, and never opened before I got my paws on it. See, she gave it to me for my birthday… a little early, but what the heck. She’s a sweetie. I read about all of the things it can do… track your exercise, heartbeat, play your tunes, get messages, and take calls… oh wait, you can’t do that last one with this series, but you do get Siri and her dulcet tones. Besides, you have to carry your phone with you… and it has to be an iPhone. Well, hell and damnation! I have an android.

So, being the clever soul that I am, I look up hacks for Smartwatch on android, figuring that some smart geek out there has figured out how to make that work. Turns out, there are a couple of hacks, but it also turns out they don’t work very well, if at all, on the Series 1. Well, crap on a cracker! My Smartwatch isn’t looking very damn smart at this point.

So, I call up my oldest… a devoted iPhone aficionado… to see if he knows of any good way to make my Smartwatch work on my brand-new Moto. Nope. Not a chance. No way. No how. At this point, I’m about ready to stuff that Smartwatch down my stupid muzzle loader and send it to Apple hell where it belongs. I think oldest catches my drift, and pipes up, “I have an iPhone 5 you can have… I just keep it around for backup, but I’m on iPhone 8 now and I still have my iPhone 6.”

I should be thrilled, right? Only I’m ready to throttle the kid for collecting iPhones like they were candy. Those suckers are expensive… some would say overpriced… me being among the ‘some.’ None-the-less, if I can get an iPhone at no cost, well I suppose it will be worth it if it makes my Smartwatch work. I’m not thrilled about it. I like my android and I know how to use it. iPhones come with enough instructions that you ought to be able to build one when you get done reading them. Oh, and I’ll have to switch providers as well. That was in the cards anyway.

Despite what the former “Can you hear me now,” guy says, Sprint sucks when it comes to coverage. There are a plethora of Sprint phone dead zones in the western U.S., and I happen to like to travel there… a lot, not to mention my youngest is an OTR semitruck driver who travels out there a lot as well. He’s the one who decided Mom and Dad need cell phones… this after I had finally gotten rid of mine after years of having one for work because I kept getting work related calls after I retired. For a brief two years, silence was golden.

Anyway, when he comes home later this month, he’ll switch over to a new network, meaning so will we. That’s when I’ll get the iPhone. Until then my stupid Smartwatch will sit on the counter and collect dust.