Sunday, December 6, 2015

The Square Peg - WE WAS ROBBED!!

The Square Peg - WE WAS ROBBED!!


© S. Bradley Stoner

Well, it's Sunday again. That day every red-blooded American has been waiting for all week. No, it ain't Friday everybody waits for... at least not between August and January... It's Sunday... FOOTBALL! No, not that sissy game where players kick a round ball and chase after it... the one that involves crashes of he-men the size of small buses, and some not-so-small buses. Yep, the arena of grunts, groans, and organized mayhem. 

We love it! Nothing better. Unless, of course, you hang around post-game when all those losing team whiners gather to cry in their beer. "We was robbed!" they yell. The curse the Zebras (you know, refs, umps and field judges) for being complete idiots, and blind no less, for missing that critical call that would have given THEIR team better field position. Or the one that gave the other team just one more chance to win the game when time had run out. I'm not mentioning names or teams here, that would be impolite, but one wears green and the other baby blue. 

Bingo Bob had a fit after that game. Duncan Donutz was rolling on the floor laughing at him... well he would have been laughing, but he'd lost his voice yelling at the Zebras for missing calls that were "clearly pass interference on the..." blue team. Of course Bob swore up and down (and I do mean "SWORE") about that rotten face mask call. 

"He barely TOUCHED it!" Bob screamed at Duncan. 

Between silent guffaws, Duncan managed to croak, "Yeah... that's why his head jerked around."

"Time was out!" Bob stamped the floor... yep, he really did stamp. It looked kind of funny... like a little kid playing horsey. "The game was OVER."

"Uh uh," Duncan said, rearranging the wedge of cheddar, "they had one play because of that obvious penalty!"

"It was a BAD call!" Bob sputtered.

"It was a GOOD call,"Duncan returned, "probably only one of a very few they got right. Besides... your defense  totally blew the coverage."

"WE WAS ROBBED!!" Bob fairly screamed.

It would have come to blows, but when the two approached each other, neither could reach the other with fists. Between Bob's beer belly and Duncan's donut belly, all they could do is whiff in the air. I decided I'd better stop it before they knocked over the big screen TV Bob had bought on Cyber Monday... I never did find out if he got out of paying for the broken TVs on Black Friday.

"All right... that's enough. "The IMPORTANT game is coming on."

By important, I mean of course, without mentioning names, the one between the guys with a horse on their helmet and that other "unbeatable" team. At least that's what all the commentators said. Hey... I watched that game, and yeah, there were some bad calls... on both sides. But in the end, the better team won! Again, I won't mention names, but they wear orange. 

Now, I have a friend who is a rabid fan of the other team... and yeah, he whined about the officiating. Tough beans! Swallow that losing pill and suck it up buttercup. It's a good thing we don't live anywhere close to each other or it might have come to blows... and he's younger and more muscle bound than I am. I really don't have to guess what the outcome of that would have been. 

Happy Sunday, y'all... and hey! Stay safe out there!