Monday, December 21, 2015

The Square Peg – Christmas Spirit… Don’t let the HOA steal yours!



The Square Peg – Christmas Spirit… Don’t let the HOA steal yours!
© S. Bradley Stoner

December in Texas. Lovely weather. 65 degrees for a high and 52 degrees for a low. You can’t beat that with a stick. Think I’ll call my relatives up north. Of course they’ll just hang up on me. The only drawback is, it just doesn’t look like Christmas. That makes it pretty hard to get into the Christmas spirit. Sigh. Well, at least the neighborhood is going all out to put up lights, air filled snow men, Santas and the like. At least that looks like Christmas… sort of.

Speaking of lights, there’s a house in a neighboring community that has a terrific light show… all synched with Christmas music and everything. We love it. Their neighbors love it. The management company for the Home Owners Association apparently hates it. They’re enforcing the neighborhood standards and trying to make them shut it down. What the heck?! It’s just one more reason I HATE HOAs. It’s not enough they collect an annual fee from each home owner to do practically nothing, now the buggers want to shut down Christmas. BAH HUMBUGGERS… that’s what they are.

Supposedly they are in place to maintain the value of homes. Baloney. If they were, they’d stop multiple families from living in a neighborhood zoned for single family residences. They don’t. If they were concerned about property values, they’d make all those yappy dogs people leave outside for hours on end shut the heck up or at least fine their owners. They don’t Geesh.

Oaky, enough on my pet peeve. I don’t need my Christmas spirit spoiled. I’m actually looking forward to Christmas this year. I’ve even finished all my shopping. I think. But, it’s like my neighbor Charlie said, “When you reach our age there isn’t much you want or need, except for something for the house or a new tool.” Charlie is a wise man. I mean, there’s always something that needs fixing or improving on the house, and, honestly, who couldn’t use a new tool or two? Nobody. Am I right? You know I am.

I mean, even the ladies can use new tools. They go through them so fast. I think I need to buy my sweetie a new set of screwdrivers and pry bars. For the uninitiated young husbands and husbands-to-be out there, that would be a new set of silverware to replace the bent tips on the knives and flattened fork tines. But that’s okay. I mean, you wouldn’t want them using your precious tools, now would you.

Oh, and don’t forget the barbeque lighters… you know, the ones with the long barrels on them. The ladies will need them for those candles you bought them so they don’t burn their fingers when they light them. You did buy the candles, didn’t you? If you didn’t, you’ll wind up with exotic fragrances in your house like springtime rain forest, five berry melt and such, instead of vanilla and sugar cookies. If they made a roasting turkey scent, I’d buy that for her. For now, I’ll have to stick with just roasting a turkey, which I plan to do for Christmas dinner.

Speaking of Christmas dinner, I thought about ham as an alternative, but. Frankly, ham isn’t Christmassy. It’s Eastery. It works better with those dyed eggs than turkey does. Or maybe luaus… it goes well with pineapples too. Besides, you can use the leftovers to make a homemade Hawaiian pizza. You can’t do that with a turkey. Besides, who would want to? Nobody wants to give up turkey sandwiches Certainly not me.

Ah, now I’m getting back in the Christmas spirit. That’s better. Y’all have yourselves a Merry Christmas… or whatever you happen to celebrate at this time of year.