Monday, May 8, 2017

The Square Peg – Batteries Not Included… Well, Maybe They Are.



The Square Peg – Batteries Not Included… Well, Maybe They Are.
© S. Bradley Stoner



Well, Bob and Duncan are at it again. It doesn’t take much. I could hear them nearly a block away.

“I’m telling you, it was a Toyota SUV!” Duncan shouted.

“Bull crap!” Bob shot back. “I follow this stuff, you know!”

“Nuts… you wouldn’t know a backfire from a fart!”

“Oh yeah?!”

“Yeah!”

“So fellahs, what’s this erudite conversation all about?”

“Don’t call this argument erudite,” Bob warned.

“Okay, what’s this stupid argument about?”

“See?! That’s what I mean, you just trade one slur for another,” Bob groaned.

I looked at Duncan, who was smirking just a little. “Does Bob know what…”

Duncan cut me off. “I don’t think so. He probably thinks a thesaurus is some kind of dinosaur.”

“Hey! I’m standin’ right here, you jerks! And I know what a thesaurus is… besides, that has nothing to do with the topic of discussion.”

“Okay, so what are you talking about?” I asked.

“New speed records at Bonneville,” Duncan said.

“Oh, you mean that Toyota hybrid that hit 307 miles per hour yesterday? Yeah, I saw a clip on the early edition of the news this morning.”

Bob shot me a sour look. “Not you too! There ain’t a hybrid out there that can go that fast!”

“Well actually,” I said in my best sportscaster’s voice, “there is. And Toyota, while fast, still isn’t as fast as that all-electric Venturi… that sucker went over 340 miles per hour

“No way,” Bob snarled. “No all electric car could go that fast.”
“You’re stuck in the nineties,” Bob, Duncan offered. “Heck, the 2010 Tesla Roadster had a top speed of 248 miles per hour and could turn zero to sixty in less than four seconds.”

“With what? A fifty-mile extension cord?!”

“Geez, Bob… Google it.”

Bob turned on me. “Yeah, well if they’re so great, why are you still drivin’ a 2005 Explorer?”

“It’s paid for and has only a 111,000 miles on it. It’s good for another ninety thousand at least. Besides, I’m waiting for one of those flying cars Uber is investing in. They say it will be operational by 2020.”

Bob snorted. “You and the Jetsons… good luck with that.”

I shrugged. “I’m just thinking of all the money that could be saved in road building. Just think, all those miles of highway could be replaced by air parks and home landing pads. Besides, I’d trust an autopiloted aircraft a lot more than an autopiloted car.”

“Yeah, look at the tests they’ve already done That Terrafugia is really cool,” Duncan chimed in.

“I give up!” Bob threw his hands up in the air and stomped off.

“Good thing you didn’t tell him about what you’re building in your garage.”

“Shh…. Nobody’s supposed to know about that.