The Square Peg - Oh Whoop-de-do

The Square Peg - Oh Whoop-de-do

© S. Bradley Stoner

Well, tomorrow’s the big day. Except for me. I voted early. The lines are long, the talking heads said. You may have to wait two hours or more to cast your all important vote, they said. I must lead a charmed life... either that or the talking heads were feeding us a line of bull. I was in and out of the polling place in less than ten minutes. I’m not going to say how I voted... that’s none of your bee’s wax, frankly. I will say, however, that this is one of the crummiest national elections I have seen in a dog’s age... maybe more. We have a main menu choice between fluff and puff. We could have done better, but this is what we’ve come to.

Be that as it may, I’m going to start my bitchin’ right now. You know what’s going to happen over the next couple of days... or maybe more? I’ll tell you what’s going to happen. Tuesday night and all day Wednesday, at the very least, is going to ruin TV. Yep, all those talking heads with their exit polls are going to tell us who’s going to win before the election is half over. And then they’re either going to gloat or lament the result... for hours on end. They’ll analyze, they’ll pontificate... they’ll blow until we’re blue in the face. They will tell us, the dumb masses who have been stripped of any meaningful voice in politics, exactly what they think because, well... they’re on TV and that makes their voice important. And I’m going to miss NCIS because of those bozos. If it bleeds into Thursday, I’m going to miss Thursday night football... maybe not, I got the NFL package so I don’t miss any Bronco or Texan games that aren’t carried on regular TV. Don’t get all huffy... I got it free when I switched to the new ATT carrier. And I don’t stay glued to it all day Sunday. I have better things to do.

Before I voted, my phone was ringing every hour with this candidate or that’s canned message pleading for my vote. I’m sure they told me why they were deserving of my vote and what they were going to do for little ole me and America, but, honestly, I didn’t let them get past that first introduction, whether they approved the message or not. Nope. I simply hung up the phone. I wouldn’t have answered at all, but the constant ringing was giving me a headache. I seriously thought about disconnecting the phone, but you never know when you might get an important call. Just for the record, I got one important call over the last two months. I wouldn’t have wanted to miss that. The day I voted, those calls stopped dead. Don’t tell me they don’t have a way to track who’s voted and who hasn’t. Kind of makes you wonder how secret your secret ballot is.

After more than six decades on this planet, I have come to the conclusion that politics is one giant toilet bowl and I have a choice. I can get pissed off or I can flat ignore it and get on with my life. I choose the latter. Oh, like everybody else, I have to put up with annoyances like taxes and stupid rules and regulations meant to control the masses, but I’ve also come to the conclusion that if everybody ignored the stupid rules we could put petty bureaucrats out of business. I mean, even if they knew all the stupid rules and regulations that are on the books, they don’t have enough cops, courts, and judges to enforce them. Even if they did, they don’t have enough jail space for everybody. So, why not just hit the flush handle on that potty every now and then?

Yep, I’m going to leave the anger, depression and elation, depending on which candidate wins, to their rabid supporters. Personally, I don’t think it will make a nickel’s worth of difference who gets elected. Eventually this behemoth we call government will collapse of its own weight and we can start all over again. I doubt I’ll be around for that, so all y’all who will, enjoy the ride. In the meantime, I plan on doing a little fishing, a little writing, a little traveling, a little woodworking, and a little gardening. You know, the important stuff in life. I suspect a lot of folks will do something similar... after all, politics really doesn’t govern your life unless you let it. So if you’re planning on hitting me with your ecstasy over your winning candidate or your agony over the defeated one, I have just one thing to say... Oh whoop-de-do.