Monday, July 11, 2016

The Square Peg - National No WHAT Day??



The Square Peg - National No WHAT Day??
© S. Bradley Stoner




I missed it. Don’t ask me how, but I did. I usually pay more attention to such things. Maybe it was because I was focused. I had home repairs to do. No, not those pesky “honey-do” things, it was the real maintenance to the house. I don’t like being surprised by things breaking down, so I do a lot of preventive maintenance. Usually it keeps me and the house out of trouble. But I got a bit of a surprise with one of the repairs that became eminently necessary. When my house was built, the workmanship was done well for most of the structure, but I think the contractor backslid a bit on the trim.

Most houses in San Antonio don’t have gutters. They use “rain diverters” or “doorbrellas”  (and yes, that’s an actual name for those things) to keep rain away from critical areas like, well, doors. It turns out some bright workman drove nails through the diverter into the 1” X 2” fascia trim. Not only was that unnecessary, it created holes through which rain could run into the wood. And, to top it off, they sealed the bottom seam with silicone and put none on the top seam between the diverter and the wood. Yep, made a perfect seal for that wood reservoir they created. The inevitable happened. That section of fascia rotted from the inside out. So that’s what I was doing instead of paying attention to what Bingo Bob called this morning, “The really important things.

I ran into Bob, Duncan, and the recently divorced Penny Puckerpuss in an animated discussion on my way back from my walk this morning. Curiosity got the better of me, so I stopped to see what the hullabaloo was all about. I should have kept walking. Oh well.

“I didn’t know they had a day for that,” Penny said breathlessly, “but it was wonderfully liberating!”

“I’d like to liberate those,” Bob muttered to himself.

“What?” Penny said, “I didn’t hear that.”

“Oh nothin’,” Bob replied, but his focused gaze betrayed him... at least it did to Duncan and me.

“Well, I’ve got to run,” Penny said, and took off at a brisk trot.

“That shouldn’t be legal,” Bob said, watching Penny’s shapely derriere pull away from us.

“Geez, Bob, yer married,” Duncan said, shaking his head.

“A fellah can look, can’t he?” Bob asked defensively.

“So what was that all about?” I asked.

“Oh, we were just talking about the latest holiday,” Duncan offered.

I was puzzled. “What holiday? The fourth is over and we’re not due for another holiday until September.”

“Oh man, don’t tell me you missed it?” Bob was incredulous. “It was last Saturday. Where the heck were you?”

“Doing repairs on my house. What happened Saturday?”

Duncan nodded sagely. “It was National No Bra Day. How on Earth couldn’t you know? It was on all the social media. And World No Bra Day is coming up in October!”

“Best days ever for girl watching,” Bob added. “The only thing that might have made it better would have been chilly weather. Maybe it’ll be cold come October.”

“Geez, Bob!” Duncan and I chorused.

“Yeah, like you guys wouldn’t look.”

“Maybe,” Duncan said, “but I’m not crass enough to say it outright... or stare like you do.”

“Truth is truth,” Bob stated flatly. “I wish I’d gone to the beach... wonder if the girls there participated.”

“Now you are dreaming,” Duncan growled.

“Woulda been nice if Frank’s daughter had walked her dog Saturday,” Bob said dreamily.

“Do you have a death wish?” I asked. “You know Frank has a big gun collection, don’t you?”

“Not to mention a real short fuse when it comes to protecting his little girl,” Duncan added.

“She ain’t so little,” Bob offered, his eyes widening just a bit.

“Bob...” I said. “I’m going to loan your wife my big hammer.”

“You wouldn’t!”

“I bet he would,” Duncan answered for me.

Bob shrank a little bit, and pouted, “Well, mark the date on next year’s calendar. We’ll see what you have to say after that.”

I shrugged. “Hey, it’s National No Bra Day whenever my lovely gets home from work. That’s the first thing to go when she changes. I don’t need to wait.”

“I hate you,” Bob said.